


let me look in your eyes as my last chance to feel human begins to vaporize

by d4redevils



Series: Avengers Star Wars AU [2]
Category: Marvel
Genre: Alternate Universe - Star Wars Setting, Deaf Clint Barton, Drabble, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mute Bucky Barnes, Panic Attacks, bucky used to be a sith, they communicate through the force
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-31
Updated: 2020-10-31
Packaged: 2021-03-08 22:48:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 398
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27294445
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/d4redevils/pseuds/d4redevils
Summary: Flashes of red. Screaming. Smoke curling out of a blaster. Pain. Pain enveloped Bucky. Tears stung his eyes and silent screams were ripped from his lungs. Orders. He had to follow his orders
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Clint Barton
Series: Avengers Star Wars AU [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2007730
Comments: 1
Kudos: 10





	let me look in your eyes as my last chance to feel human begins to vaporize

**Author's Note:**

> the title comes from the song autoclave by the mountain goats

_Flashes of red. Screaming. Smoke curling out of a blaster. Pain. Pain enveloped Bucky. Tears stung his eyes and silent screams were ripped from his lungs. Orders. He had to follow his orders. He had to–_

Everything faded away and he was floating. He was surrounded by warmth, and calming waves crashed over him. Confusion filled his mind, but quickly dissolved. The words _Just a bad dream, love_ flashing in his thoughts.

Clint.

Clint was holding him, pulling him out of the nightmares, protecting him.

 _“You’re safe. I’ve got you.”_ Clint purred in Bucky’s thoughts.

Distantly, Bucky felt Clint’s arms embracing him, pulling him closer.

Safe. Protected. Loved.

Bucky’s breathing evens out, and he slowly opens his eyes. He can sense Clint is awake, though his face is pressed against Bucky’s back. Turning around in Clint’s arms, Bucky faced him, avoiding eye contact.

Raising a hand to Bucky’s face, Clint stroked his cheek tenderly. _You alright, love?_

Bucky shrugged, pressing his face further into Clint’s palm. He took a breath, meeting Clint’s eyes. _Am I a bad person?_

Clint’s brow furrowed, staring at Bucky with a puzzled expression. Before he could respond, Bucky continued.

_Before we met, I hurt people. A lot of people. I don’t remember most of it, but I can hear their screams. Feel their pain. I think--I think I liked hurting them._

Bucky’s eyes were closed, his expression one of pain. His breathing began to quicken, and Clint gave him a gentle shake.

 _Hey, look at me?_ Bucky’s eyes opened slowly, his breathing still erratic. Clint could feel Bucky’s heartbeat stop and start, as if it forgot how to work. _Breath with me._ Bucky gripped Clint’s shoulder, grounding himself, as Clint led him through his breathing. When Bucky’s breathing returned to a steady rhythm, Clint brushed the hair from his eyes and looked at him softly.

_You made mistakes. We all have. But that doesn’t make you a bad person. Your past doesn’t define you. What you do now--that does. You’re a good person. One of the best I know._

Clint swiped a thumb under Bucky’s eyes, wiping away the tears that began to form. Breathing heavily, Bucky took Clint’s hand in his own and brought it up to his lips, pressing gentle yet firm kisses to Clint’s fingers. A small smile spread across Clint’s face. They were going to be okay.

**Author's Note:**

> hiii thank you for reading! this fic is a part of my star wars au where bucky used to be a sith but is now a bounty hunter! i hope i can write more for this au including things with other characters because i have a lot planned :D you can find me on twitter and tumblr @ d4redevils


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